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Liquid Metal - challenge by ~noiamnot:iconnoiamnot:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


This supple sensation,
like drowning in a picture of your eyes,
glittering crystal prisms.

It acts as a propellant of muy mind,
sending ripples accross the glassy surface.
Watch for disturbances in the ice-black depths.

Murmurs, like the melody of metal chimes;
tenets whose function is lost
among the dull echoes of slumber.

Thoughts disintegrating into piecemeal mess
like rained-upon cardboard boxes.
Noise streams from their neat paper envelopes.

Rule of thumb dismemebered,
remembering the message concealed in the jittery hum of the vaccum:
Nothing is safe, nothing is sure.
©2006-2009 ~noiamnot
:iconnoiamnot:

Author's Comments

Entry for saturnineguise's Liquid Metal challenge [link] the first challenge I've ever done :)

I think it sucks, but at least I tried!

Comments


love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:icondagoatmaster:
~DaGoatmaster Dec 21, 2006, 11:59:46 PM
I like it a lot, it's confused but eloquent. Nice job. :) I enjoy your poetry very much, and this is no exception.

You did very well with the limitations.

--
g = a ^ u

:glomp:
:iconkahlia:
Mood: Love ~Kahlia Dec 22, 2006, 3:59:21 AM
I would dare to say this is my favourite yet, darling. It's positively entrancing-- an excellent feeling to be having while reading poetry. Beautiful job. :heart:

--
“Avoid the world, it's just a lot of dust and drag and means nothing in the end.”

-Kerouac
:iconnoiamnot:
~noiamnot Dec 22, 2006, 6:08:54 PM
Hehe, I said, why the hell not, I've got nothing else to do and I may as well have a go :) I'm actually pretty glad I did, it was fun, and I think I'll do more. It'll do me good to challenge myself creatively a bit more often.

--
"A maiden running from a Prince?...
Does that make sense?!"
:iconnoiamnot:
~noiamnot Dec 22, 2006, 6:09:26 PM
Hehe, really? I was just playing around with the words :)

--
"A maiden running from a Prince?...
Does that make sense?!"
:iconsaturnineguise:
~saturnineguise Dec 22, 2006, 9:18:03 PM
I love it!

Especially this....
"Thoughts disintegrating into piecemeal mess
like rained-upon cardboard boxes.
Noise streams from their neat paper envelopes."

I was wondering what people would write about cardboard and envelopes, and I see the water in there too =D


And this
"This supple sensation,
like drowning in a picture of your eyes,
glittering crystal prisms."
Gorgeous!
I got the idea from a calender picture of a river when I was making up the contest hehe looking around the room for thoughts hehhe
:icondagoatmaster:
~DaGoatmaster Dec 23, 2006, 12:03:50 AM
Yes, I suppose I will.. perhaps I shall do the same. Seems like a good thing to do.

--
g = a ^ u

:glomp:
:iconnoiamnot:
~noiamnot Dec 23, 2006, 12:38:30 AM
Hehe, I wondered how you came up with such random words!
I'm glad you like it. Many other takers yet?

--
"A maiden running from a Prince?...
Does that make sense?!"
:iconfalse-like-tv:
~False-Like-Tv Dec 23, 2006, 2:32:26 AM
i dont even have to say it

--
wherever i go she goes..
:iconnoiamnot:
~noiamnot Dec 23, 2006, 4:02:27 AM
Hehehe, well not if you don't want to.

--
"A maiden running from a Prince?...
Does that make sense?!"
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